12:29am: A very mild one. But nonetheless...
martinetsom: this explains why I never saw you on. you ass
martinetsom: night!
Jack'sSekritID: XD
Jack'sSekritID: don't give this one away bitch
martinetsom: *posts on LJ*
Jack'sSekritID: It's for BUSINESS
martinetsom: *prints stickers with your SN*
Jack'sSekritID: *kills you*
Jack'sSekritID: XD
martinetsom: *flyers your SN all over DC*
Jack'sSekritID: Actually, you can do that ONLY TO PROMOTE ME.
Jack'sSekritID: ;D
martinetsom: *adds HOT SEX NOW WITH UNDERAGE GIRLS to your SN*
Jack'sSekritID: ... :|
martinetsom: ... :D
Jack'sSekritID: *posts your home address to EVERYONE in a BDSM chatroom*
martinetsom: ... ;___;
Jack'sSekritID: *CACKLE*
Jack'sSekritID: "GOUDA MISTRESS AWAITS SUB SLAVE"

...

7:30am: Morning Cackle.
It's like morning wood, only squishier.

FightingRedS: Why do you hate me?
martinetsom: ahahah I don't hate you
FightingRedS: Don't lie.
martinetsom: why would I hate you?
FightingRedS: Because.
FightingRedS: G-d hates me
FightingRedS: G-d hated me so much yesterday
FightingRedS: XD
FightingRedS: I couldn't find the damned mouse I wanted
martinetsom: ...
FightingRedS: and then I had to pee really badly but Brandon and Dean wanted to go here and there and the stupid traffic lights didn't wanna let us go XD
martinetsom: JaCk. You're talking about mouses now, honey. There are people on this world who don't have a house and who don't have food.
FightingRedS: Yes. And G-d hates THEM, too.
martinetsom: ... LMFAO
FightingRedS: He also hates black people and Celine Dion.
FightingRedS: brb (kitchen...STARVING TO DEATH T__T )
martinetsom: yes.
martinetsom: ach ach ach
martinetsom: I'ma take a shower in a while
FightingRedS: *SSSSIGH*
martinetsom: what? I schmell.
FightingRedS: Well, not before I'm back from the kitchen. Otherwise, then you'd've proven that you hate me.
martinetsom: okay, okay. *SSSSIGH*
martinetsom: manipulative bitch.
FightingRedS: *cackle*
FightingRedS: The bitch is back
martinetsom: Welcome back, beeyatch.
martinetsom: can I go shower now? ;__;
FightingRedS: Why thank you, Eurowhore.
FightingRedS: LOL
FightingRedS: What do you mean, DOUCHE?
martinetsom: ahahhaa, yes. I so need a douche.
FightingRedS: I thought the Dutch didn't bathe.
FightingRedS: ;D
martinetsom: AHAHAHA no wait, Tom Jones's version of "Kiss" just came on
FightingRedS: ;D
FightingRedS: I MADE IT COME ON
martinetsom: AHAHAH sure
martinetsom: the song before this was happy together
FightingRedS: I so did.
FightingRedS: I made that one come on, too.
martinetsom: I think you took over my ipod
FightingRedS: I did, because the fucking thing is evil.
FightingRedS: Jobs is evil
FightingRedS: and greedy
martinetsom: XD!!!
martinetsom: ja whatever
martinetsom: I'm glad Bill Gates is such a good person
FightingRedS: LOL
FightingRedS: I never said he was
martinetsom: well then
FightingRedS: They're both greedy fucks
martinetsom: did you know steve jobs is the owner of pixar as well?
FightingRedS: except that Jobs is the one dominating the market withhis iShit
FightingRedS: Yes, I did.
FightingRedS: Which makes him even more G-d damned evil
martinetsom: LOL
FightingRedS: If he's so great, then why the fuck does he charge so much for his shit?
FightingRedS: And then come out with a new version every 3 months?
martinetsom: I never said he was great
martinetsom: but he's the only one with 60 gig models
FightingRedS: LIES
martinetsom: jaaaa vatever
martinetsom: I go douche in 4 minutes
FightingRedS: Creative Labs makes them
FightingRedS: you ass
martinetsom: creative sucks ass.
FightingRedS: No....no, it doesn't.
martinetsom: ... yes, it does.
martinetsom: I used to have creative stuff.
FightingRedS: No, it doesn't.
FightingRedS: Ja/ Not the NEW stuff.
FightingRedS: And don't lie.
martinetsom: I used to have creative speakers. They sucked.
FightingRedS: You didn't have a creative when you came here
FightingRedS: dude, my speakers are Creative and they're just fine, even after 8 years
FightingRedS: XD
martinetsom: well, mine sucked.
martinetsom: and they generally get bad reviews compared to apple
FightingRedS: That's so not true.
martinetsom: it is so true.
FightingRedS: It's the Apple asswhores who go on the sites and damp down the reviews.
FightingRedS: And THAT is true, because I've seen it
FightingRedS: XD
martinetsom: they do get worse reviews here in magazines
FightingRedS: Besides, I still wants an Archos
martinetsom: well, that's great for you.
martinetsom: I like my iPod.
FightingRedS: That's because the Dutch suck gouda.
FightingRedS: GOUDA.
martinetsom: okay, I think I've had my abuse for today... I go shower
FightingRedS: LOL
FightingRedS: I have to keep you in your European place, yanno.
martinetsom: LOL
martinetsom: yeah from your inferior american place
FightingRedS: I was so going to write that
FightingRedS: XD
FightingRedS: K.
FightingRedS: Have a fun douche.
FightingRedS: Don't forget to wash all of the cracks.
FightingRedS: And dangly parts.
FightingRedS: And erectile tissue.
FightingRedS: K. Again, have a fun douche.
martinetsom: Hahaha.
martinetsom: Trying to get rid of me? ;__;
FightingRedS: Don't forget to scrubby brush the insides.
FightingRedS: No, not really. XD
martinetsom: "not really"
martinetsom: okay. sure.
martinetsom: I go.
FightingRedS: XD
FightingRedS: FINE
FightingRedS: BE THAT WAY
martinetsom: *cries*
martinetsom: *runs off*
FightingRedS: *cackles*
martinetsom is away at 7:07:58 AM.
FightingRedS: ...

Auto response from martinetsom: I go shower because JaCk hates me.

FightingRedS: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
FightingRedS: Wow, that's one long douche.
FightingRedS: I bet there's lots of gouda smears to rub off.
FightingRedS: Especially around the cracks.

Auto response from martinetsom: I go shower because JaCk hates me.

...

9:22pm: Martine has nothing to do with this...
...since she has forsaken me.

Anyway, tonight's Suddenly Cackle™ post is brought to you by the word cosplayer.

Ah yes. The world of cosplaying. "Everyday Halloween" for the laypeople, it spans multiple fandoms and asshattery from Lord of the Rings to Harry Potter (yes, that actually was me) to Japanimation.

Oh, I'm sorry: That redudant crap where it's cool for boys to look like girls and men to perv on girls who look like they're 5 that Japan shits out Anime.

The best place, I suppose, to explore this wonderful world of why the fabric stores still exist (and the reason why Halloween specialty shops can stay open all year long) is Cosplaylabs.com.

This InuYasha's motivation for making this costume: "Too many bad and female Inuyashas at cons". Riiiight. That's why you look like an off-duty cop whose beer-soaked colleagues played a nasty joke on you. (Same guy in a Wolf's Rain "costume".)

"Teen Angst Hello Kitty": Because Hello Kitty's glasses make you *angst*.

Aaaand more bad pussy: Crookshanks from Harry Potter dives into a pile of Starbursts and explodes.

Alice in Wonderland Meets The Shining.

Speaking of Disney, this isn't on the site, but this is my ex as Ariel from The Little Mermaid (with her chunky Eric friend).

Dying yet?

Okay, so, I can't say that all costumers are 350 pounders on crack. The Lord of the Rings fans (and some Harry Potter fans) are pretty unique in that their costumes are mostly very elegant and accurate (Eowyn, Arwen). They're still dorks, though.

...

10:06pm: A True cackle Moment.
Contents in a gift box sent to Dutchlandia: $50

Box to ship the contents to Dutchlandia: $1.49 (plus tax)

Cost to ship the box to Dutchlandia: $20

The postal worker (about the box), "They just can't get good diapers over there, can they.": Priceless.

(And the look on Maru China's mom's face when the box arrives would be even more priceless, but I don't have an 8,000 foot long arm for the camera.)

:D

...

6:15am: Too shy shy to poo poo pee pee kajagoogoo?
...

We bet you thought we were dead.

We're not. We're alive, we haven't gone our separate ways; we're just damned busy with life in our respective countries.

No, neither of us killed the other--we said we're still alive.

And urm...one of us might've temporarily lost the damned password to this journal for a while. >_>.

But anyway.

On this return, we just have to say this to you, our uniquely chosen cackle friends:

When life gets you down and you become depressed and listless because your friends pages sucks major ass and your comment-whoring ego remains chafed and unfulfilled by the lack of comments under your meaningless posts, never fret--for LJ always has your back with communities like diapertalk.

Thank you, and happy reading.

...

1:39am: Dear friends.
For some reason, people keep asking us to defriend them. Why?? Where did we go wrong? We always try to make new friends, we're nice and friendly, and we're good people. Really. We like bunnies.



We like rainbows.



We also like babies.



Even if they're 30+.



We also like Christians, even though they don't seem to like us a lot.



Personally, I don't mind if Jesus loves me, but after seeing The Passion of the Christ with my fellow cackle member, thinking of Jesus always means thinking of spare ribs.

But I digress. The point of this post is, we love you. We're not going to defriend you, because we consider you a friend and taking you off our friends list would break our hearts. ;___; You already made us cry, you don't want to cause us any more grief, do you? Especially not as it's a holiday.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! </span>

2:19pm: The Return of the Cackle Friend.
It's been so long since we've had a cackle Friend of the Day-Friend of the Month-Friend of the Quarterly Economic Report Cackle Friend.

But this one merits its comeback.

Recently, I've been engaging in some rather delightful discourse in the 2004_elections community with a member of Mensa (with a 160 IQ, no less!), a shining example of erudition named J. M. (unfortunately, we had to delete the full name of this person due to LJ restrictions. *insert sad panda emoticon*), a.k.a. culturalbaggage.

Unfortunately, said discourse took a turn for the worse when I discovered that the ickle faker was plagiarizing his comments from right-wing reviews and articles. Okay, so, he plagiarized the one I'm talking about, but I betcha if I go back and look at his other comments, I'll find a strong case of plagiarism there too. He "defended it", along with one of his lackeys, as him having "cited his source" in the first part of the comment, which can be found here.

But wait! J. decided that "Hey, the "cited the source" argument isn't going to work", since he...well, DIDN'T cite any sources. So what does he do?

He cries "HACKER!!!!".

So, as you can see, J. really wasn't responsible for the comment posted under his handle one minute before he posted the other half of the (plagiarized) comment. Some rogue hacker did it, and he or she did it before J. posted the other half of it!

I do have to give him credit for making an attempt to salvage his credibility, no matter how ludicrous it's gone for him. Such is why we here at cackle are making J. M./culturalbaggage our Special *cackle* Friend.

Here's to you, J. May all of your hackers die a slow, painful death...

...because we know you're truly special.

-- JaCk

...

1:30am: JaCk speaking.
Well, my rents are in town. Tine is on vacation on the East Coast this time, so this cacklerrifficness comes from my mother. Yes, her--you know, The Lobster Killer/Turkey Owner ("I got HEN now! BABY turkey! Many!"). They took Chelle and I out to the Outback Restaurant for dinner.

Do note that the following includes transcription of my mom's accent. People have a hard time understanding her, and sometimes I have to translate it for them if the message doesn't get across the first few times.

Mom (not drunk yet): Pee-pon say I should look like Hell, eh...because *cups her hands around her mouth to amplify* I GOT CAN-CAH! *cackle*

She kept doing that "I GOT CAN-CAH! And I DON CAYER!" crap throughout dinner while she downed the bottle of wine my father ordered.

Our waitress, after dinner: Thank you! ^__^
Mom, drunk: *waving with her finger* Oh, oh, 'scue me.
Our waitress: Yes? ^__^
Mom: Who you wote for?
Our waitress: ... ?___?
Mom: Who you wote for in e-lection?
Our waitress: Oh, uh--
Mom: You wote for Karry?
Our waitress: Um...>_>...definitely! ^__^
Mom: Oh, okay, gooood. You vote for Karry, he from my state.

The people at the Outback were obviously rarin' to close, so we headed out pretty soon after that, except that my mom wandered off to the bathroom just as Chelle was stepping out of the locked door that was attended by the hostess. So she stepped back in, and we waited for my mother. I don't quite remember what we talked about while we were exiting (but my mom did pet the stuffed kiwi bird that was next to the entrance), but my mom lagged behind and all I could hear her say to the hostess was,

Mom: Oh, oh, who you wote for?
Hostess: *anxious to get the place closed* ... ?___?
Mom: Who you wote for, you wote for Karry?
Hostess: OH...uh, I'm voting for Bush.
Mom: Oh my Gahd. No, no. You wote for Karry. What, you crazy?

She then harassed the poor patrons who were exiting behind us into at least saying that they were going to vote for Kerry.

Then, on the way home, my mom's drunkeness came to a head whilst they discussed the hotel policies of The Chancellor in San Francisco.

Mom: What, so what, they not change my shee-at, so I go to make messy as I can!
Dad, driving: No, you can't make a mess, they'll charge you for it.
Mom: What the Hell you talk about? They not change the linen, they not give service, I make mess so messy as I can!
Dad: You can't make a mess.
Mom: WHY NOT?
Dad: Because you can't.
Mom: I can make a fucking mess if I want to!
Dad: No, you can not. It's in the contract--
Mom: What contrack?
Dad: It says when you sign for the room...they'll {blahdeeblah, I wasn't listening because I was too involved in waiting for my mom's next words/trying to keep from losing my dinner laughing in the back with Chelle}, so you can't make a mess of the sheets.
Mom: GAHD fucking San Francisco! What the fuck wrong with the fucking ho-tel when I pay...I pay hundred dollah for one night, and I can't make a mess, and they not clean my shee-at? So fuck them! I go to...*cackle*...I go to shee-at all over the bed! *cacklefit*

And then, when we were approaching the Bridge toll:

Dad: It's going to be five dollars--
Mom: *grabs money out of purse* The Hell? It go to be ten. *staring at the sign*
Dad: ... ?__?
Mom: What the Hell, what, it say two axle, four axle...we four axle? Or two?
Dad: ...It says AXLES, not ASSHOLES. =_=
Mom: What the Hell's an axle?

...

3:45pm: Classic Cackle with the Couple of Cackle: Workin' Out the Chinks.
You might've thought us dead.

You might've thought, hey, weren't those two doin' it? Didn't they like break up under some kind of dramatic circumstances after the Dutch girl visited that guy in the U.S.?

You might've thought, hey, if they broke up, then that means cackle is dead! No more idiotic, "racist"/otherwise disgusting entries on my friends page! Hooray!

...

...You were so wrong, people.

FightingRedS: So how do you want to die? On the back of an ass, naked?
martinetsom: LOLOL
martinetsom: I don't give a fuck, as long as it happens quickly.
FightingRedS: LOL
martinetsom: You?
FightingRedS: Well, I'd want to die on your lips (if I had a choice of body part), since they're so damned cushiony.
martinetsom: LOLOL
FightingRedS: But me, yeah, quick and painless.
martinetsom: Yeah, that's what I thought.
FightingRedS: Maybe in my sleep or something
FightingRedS: so I'd be dreaming.
martinetsom: I don't know why people want the romeo & juliet like romantic ending. It'd be painful, man.
martinetsom: LOL. You'd be dreaming of Quidditch?
martinetsom: And JUST before you catch the snitch, you die.
martinetsom: Oh wait, you're a chaser.
FightingRedS: LOL
FightingRedS: No, in my dreams, I'd be a Seekah. But I'd just fly off on my broom, not giving a shit about the game.
FightingRedS: XD
martinetsom: LOL
martinetsom: Sounds good.
FightingRedS: LOL I just made a connection.
martinetsom: I think I'd go for some kind of freak accident where it's crash-boom-DEAD.
FightingRedS: It makes sense that the Asian in Ravenclaw is the seeker.
martinetsom: Ja?
martinetsom: ... LOL....
FightingRedS: because Asians can catch anyfuckingthing.
martinetsom: Really?
FightingRedS: They catch flies with chopsticks, man.
martinetsom: HAHAHAHAHA
martinetsom: I bet Cho uses chopsticks.
martinetsom: Someone should write that.
FightingRedS: *CACKLE*
FightingRedS: That'd be one messed up fic.
martinetsom: ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME
FightingRedS: HA HA XD
martinetsom: It should have all the asian cliches in it :D
FightingRedS: Hahaha, Cho has a double wand
FightingRedS: they're chopsticks.
martinetsom: HAHAHAHA
martinetsom: LMFAO
martinetsom: that's fucked up.
FightingRedS: Her name is short for Chopsticks.
FightingRedS:
martinetsom: ... *CACKLE*
FightingRedS: Cho...psticks
martinetsom: *dies laughing*
FightingRedS: Chopsticks Chang
martinetsom: That's so damned wrong.
FightingRedS: Oh man, it's so fun to make fun of asians
martinetsom: HAHAHA it really is
FightingRedS: :B
martinetsom: LMFAO
FightingRedS: *cackle*
martinetsom: ohhh man that pic of you in chinatown
FightingRedS: LOL
martinetsom: I love to show people that pic, if they've never seen a pic of you
FightingRedS: I should post this shit in cackle. I mean, who the fuck cares.
martinetsom: LMFAO.
martinetsom: you should.
FightingRedS: LOLOL THANKS
FightingRedS: Hahhaa I WILL.
martinetsom: "So, this is JaCk." "... you didn't tell me he was Asian..." "*cackle*"
martinetsom: Muaaa!
FightingRedS: HAHAHAHAH XD
FightingRedS: Asshole.
martinetsom: LMAO
martinetsom: actually, I think more people have seen that pic of you on that pink horse in Toys R Us as a first pic.
FightingRedS: THANKS A LOT TINE
martinetsom:

...

12:30pm: TELEGRAM FROM JaCk. STOP.
...

...I THINK *I* MADE MARUCHINA'S LIPS HORNY. STOP. CACKLE. STOP.

...

4:10pm: Gullible's Travels Redux: Flight 4589 to America, now boarding Gate 526.
Martine: you have the flight no, right?
JaCk: Flight 1672, right?
Martine: o_O no. LOL
JaCk: ...
Martine: where did YOU get that info?
Martine: XD
JaCk: Flight 3421?
Martine: ...
Martine: you're so fucking with me.
JaCk: ... :D
JaCk: 0605, ass.
Martine: ASSSSSSSSS.
Martine: HAHAHAHA
Martine: gaw, you SUCK
JaCk: :-*
Martine: yeah. KL 605.
JaCk: And it's Michelle Goldstein, BTW.
Martine: ...............
Martine: *CRIES*
Martine: so what is it really?
Martine: I can't change it anymore now
JaCk: ... :-*
Martine: ... come on?
JaCk: ... :D
Martine: ... *will hold your presents hostage until you tell*
Martine: What's so secret about her last name?
JaCk: NOTHING! HAHAHAHA It's just funny to watch you wonder what it is.
Martine: ...
Martine: so did you even tell me her real name, or not?
JaCk: Maybe. :-*
Martine: ... >_>
Martine: just gimme her name, JaCk.
JaCk: It's actually Manderson.
Martine: ...
JaCk: ...
JaCk: OKAY
JaCk: It was {insert Chelle's last name here}. XD
Martine: *facepalms*
Martine: Fucking ass.
Martine: You got me all paranoid about that one.
JaCk: I so love messing with you.
Martine: HAHA
Martine: fucker.
JaCk: *edits the cackle post*
Martine: ... asshole.
JaCk: HAHAHAHAHAHA
JaCk: XD
Martine: Gaw. I'm going to s
Martine: ...
JaCk: *liiiiiiick*
Martine: enter key
Martine: I'm going to SLAAAAP you when I see you.
Martine: *lick* such an ass!
JaCk: *CACKLE*

...

11:27am: Classic Cackle: Gullible's Travels.
In case you didn't know, the Dutch One will be onboard the Dutch airline Klog Land Movingplane on a flight headed towards the West Coast tomorrow. She is packing her 238127381273 carry-ons and asking after various names, phone numbers, email addresses, street addresses, birthdates, social security numbers, DNA profiles, etc., etc....:

Martine: My mom asks what Michelle's last name is -_-
JaCk: You should say it's Hitlerette.
Martine: LOLOL
JaCk: ...
Martine: so what is it?
JaCk: Himmler
Martine: .. really?
JaCk: Really!
Martine: ... LOLOL wow
JaCk: ... :D
Martine: ...
Martine: you're lying, aren't you
JaCk: ME?
JaCk: Why would *I* lie to YOU?
Martine: HAHAHAHA
Martine: so what is it?
Martine: come on
JaCk: Seinfeld.
Martine: she's been whining all day
Martine: HAHAHA
Martine: really?
JaCk: Really!
Martine: ...
Martine: JAAAAACK
Martine: you're such an ass
JaCk: *is dying laughing here, hold on*
Martine: LOLOL FUCKASS
JaCk: *cackle*
Martine: so what's her last name?
Martine: Hahah I'm going to fucking kill you when I see you tomorrow
JaCk: Danza.
Martine: ...
Martine: really?
JaCk: Really.
Martine: Okay, that's what I gave her, so that better be true
JaCk: ...
JaCk: ... :D
Martine: she's like "... so it's not Himmler?" now
Martine: .....
Martine: ... omg
Martine: it's not Danza, is it
JaCk: No, it's not. XD
Martine: safljsdakl;f
Martine: I HATE YOU
Martine: OMG
JaCk: This is...
JaCk: ...
JaCk: ..so..
Martine: Okay, I'm not going to correct it. HAHAHA
JaCk: ...CACKLE
Martine: danza. oh god.
Martine: I hate you.
Martine: SO WHAT IS IT REALLY?
JaCk: It's {insert Chelle's last name here}.
Martine: ...
Martine: *cries*
Martine: really?
JaCk: Really!
Martine: ...
Martine: *strangles you*
JaCk: IT IS.
Martine: ...
JaCk: XD
Martine: ...
Martine: HAHAHAHA
Martine: jeebus.
JaCk: *logs into cackle*
Martine: Well, she's already Michelle Danza in my mom's database now
JaCk: Great, tell your mom she's related to Tony Danza. XD
Martine: LOL she doesn't know tony danza
Martine: *weeps*
Martine: this really sucks.
Martine: I can't tell her it's anything else now
Martine: is it really {insert Chelle's last name here}?
JaCk: Yes, it's really {insert Chelle's last name here}.
JaCk: *still dying from the whole Hitlerette/Himmler/Danza thing*
Martine: Oh man.
Martine: I really believed you.
JaCk: *CACKLE*
Martine: Ass.

cacklefannery poll to come regarding the actual visit.

...

8:37am: NO FISH FOR YOU!!!
Subject line courtesy of the Crazy Canadian.

Martine: Okay. Shit, I have to run to the supermarket. I'll be back in 30 mins or so, are you going back to sleep or..?
JaCk: I've no idea.
JaCk: I really don't.
JaCk: Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I've got cleaning to do.
Martine: All right. I really have to go, otherwise the fish'll be gone (the fish man is only here on thursdays)
JaCk: ...
JaCk: ..
JaCk: .
JaCk: HAHAHAHAHHAHA
JaCk: *pictures the Dutch fighting over fish*
Martine: ... *facepalms* YES I KNOW WE'RE BACKWARDS
Martine: LOLOL
JaCk: It's like RUSSIA! ONLY WITH CLOGS!
Martine: Well, the fresh fish, anyway. the good fish.
Martine: HAHAHAHAA
Martine: fucker!!
JaCk: *CACKLE*
JaCk: *posts on cackle*
Martine: LOLOL OH GOD
JaCk: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
JaCk: Dutch Fish Man: "SORRY! ONLY ONE FISH PER PERSON!"
Martine: LMAO ASS!!!
JaCk: *CACKLESNORT*
JaCk: :-*
Martine: I'll get NO fish if I don't leave soon. I'm already stuck with the fish from their freezer
JaCk: LOL
JaCk: *dies laughing*
JaCk: GO!
Martine: LOLOL ASS!
JaCk: GET YOUR COMMUNIST FISH.
Martine: ASS!!
Martine: BYE!
JaCk: BYE!
JaCk: *DIES LAUGHING*
Martine: HAHAHA *kicks you*
JaCk: *sends you some frozen fish*

Auto response from Martine: OMG MUST GET FISH

JaCk: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA
JaCk: OMG
JaCk: OMG...
JaCk: ...*DEAD*

...

1:07pm: It's Your Faultline: Martine and the Preconceptions of Daily Plate Shifting.
Martine: My Dutch Cousin: "So when are you going to earthquake city? :D"
Martine: *eyes him*
JaCk: LMFGDAO!!!
JaCk: XD
Martine: what an ass. LOL
JaCk: Here in Oakland you don't feel the huge earthquakes from the City.
JaCk: That occur daily.
Martine: ... DAILY???
Martine: slajf;s!
Martine: omg!
JaCk: Yeah, didn't you know?
Martine: isn't that dangerous?
Martine: no! LOL
JaCk: Not really.
JaCk: We hardly feel them over here.
JaCk: There was one that kind of jostled the wall a bit, but other than that, it's all centered in the City, every day, at around noon. :-*
Martine: ... omg!
Martine: scary shit
JaCk: One time, I was walking on the sidewalk and it happened, and a brick fell off of one of the buildings right next to my face.
Martine: O_O!!!!
Martine: doesn't that kill a lot of people?
JaCk: Yeah. We have a few fatalities just about every day. Haven't you seen the tourist warnings?
JaCk: BART derails often because of it.
Martine: O_O!!!!
Martine: I so didn't know. I mean, I knew there were earthquakes, but not that often
JaCk: Yeah, sometimes twice a day.
Martine: omg! that's it, we're not leaving the flat. *hides*
JaCk: ...
JaCk: ... But don't you want to see the wharf? We gotta be careful, though, there's special training for some tourists on the wharf to be able to walk along the pier. If you don't pass the test, you can't go sightseeing.
JaCk: ... :-*
JaCk: If you haven't figured out by now that I've been messing with you (you're so easy! XD), then I dunno what ta say, Firefly. XD!!!
Martine: HAHAHA ass
Martine: ...
Martine: ...
Martine: ...
Martine: *CRIES*
Martine: *thought you were serious*
Martine: *is so gullible*
JaCk: AWWWWW. *hands you a tissue*
Martine: OMG
JaCk: *pastes up on cackle*
Martine: you suck
Martine: LOLOLOL
Martine: NOOOOOOOOO
JaCk: YEEEESSSSSSSSS.
Martine: *cries*
Martine: HAHAHA
Martine: OMG
JaCk: LOL
Martine: this is hilarious
Martine: My problem is, I never was interested in geography. so I believe EVERYTHING.
JaCk: LOL
Martine: People have told me the strangest things and I'm still not sure if they're true
Martine: fuckers
JaCk: ROFL!!!
Martine: *eyes you*
JaCk: You mean like...the fact that there are no jungles in Africa? :-*
Martine: ...
Martine: HAHAHAHAHA
Martine: I hate you.
JaCk: *CAAAAACKLE*
Martine: Fucker. *poke*

...

10:06pm: cackle Quickie: Dutchlandian Chernobyl Chickens
JaCk: I haven't even eaten yet
Martine: why not? what did you do for 2 hours? o_O
JaCk: But I guess my soup is good.
JaCk: LOL I cooked!
Martine: soup? for 2 hours?!
JaCk: YES.
JaCk: That's how long it takes to make JaCk's Chicken Noodle Soup. :-*
Martine: Wow. Chicken soup for me is... throwing some instant soup into a pan, and stir. :D
JaCk: LOL
JaCk: I make it from scratch.
Martine: so why didn't you eat?
JaCk: But I didn't thaw the chicken right, so I had to dump the block of 8 thighs in as is. :D
JaCk: So it took a while to separate.
Martine: :O!
Martine: >_> *doesn't dare to touch a complete dead chicken*
JaCk: What?
Martine: I used to have chickens, you see.
JaCk: It wasn't a complete dead chicken, Tine, unless you really believe that chickens have 8 thighs.
Martine: ... LOLOL
Martine: HAHAHA
Martine: omg
Martine: *so awake*
Martine: 8 thighs!
JaCk: *so cackle*
Martine: asl;kjfdsadf
Martine: egads. that was really cackle.
Martine: *claims that her own chickens were...deformed >_>*
JaCk: Riiiight. *pastes into cackle*
Martine: LOL

*cackle*

...

3:43pm: ...
And sometimes Hot or Not really amuses us.

...

12:03pm: Here I thought you were British, but you're only a bumhole like us: Return of the FOD.
FOD = "Friend of the Day". Or, as things are going around here of late due to the copious amounts of online time sucked up by slippery/slobbery cybersex between me and maruchina, "FOM" (Friend of the Month).

Oh, how we love our Friends List. Some people get irritated by the icklest things. Like being friended by someone like us.

We're not quite sure what to make of jpposey2000's mildly insulting sayonarah, bumholes! comment, so we're just going to make him Friend of the Month.

jpposey2000 hails from Manitowoc, Wisconsin, and he's going to turn 30 the day after maruchina goes back to Dutchlandia (she's arriving in the U.S. on the 28th of March...*cackle*). Newly married, he sells body jewelry (whoa, careful on the click-throughs!) and has a plethora of neat interests like krav maga, WWF, and fat chicks. Oh, I'm sorry. Son pénis est dur pour de grosses filles. Oh, wait. We're not supposed to like the French now, huh. Hij geilt op dikke vrouwen. Better? Yes, better.

Anyway. Let us all welcome back the cackle Friend of the Day/Week/Month/Whatever, and give a big thumbs up to jpposey2000. You may not like us, but we love you, you cheeky ickle bumhole.

[EDIT]: Oh, and BTW, don't forget to vote as to whether or not you think our sexy BBW-lovin' FOM is Hot or Not. He pasted the same link in his LJ, and even though he may not know why so many peeps believe he's one gosh durned hunka burnin' sex, he's got to know by now that cackle isn't some kind of discriminatory non-ugly-like forum. jpposey2000, as all of our other cackle friends, will always rate a ten on our hotness scale.

...

2:34am: About vibrators, batteries and Bavarian pastries. :D Not cutting this one, bitches.
dominonermandi: I'm not alone!
dominonermandi: I have you!
dominonermandi: I don't NEED a man!
maruchina: Indeed!
maruchina: *glomp*
dominonermandi: If I have batteries, a good smutty story and some privacy, well then! I'm set!
dominonermandi: ;-)
maruchina: HAHAHA! Oh yeah! ... *has batteries, just nothing to put them in* *frowns*
dominonermandi: *giggles*
dominonermandi: Maybe you could just, you know, "insert" the batteries and hope they'll vibrate on their own!
maruchina: HAAAAAHAHHAHAA
maruchina: OMG. That's fucked up. I wonder if people actually try that.
dominonermandi: ...................
dominonermandi: I will bet you MONEY someone has.
maruchina: ... *cackle* People are mad enough for it.
dominonermandi: *sniggers* True.
dominonermandi: IT's not even that, though, people are just that stupid.
maruchina: LMFAO! That's even worse.
dominonermandi: *grins* Hey, it happens all the time in America. Well, not that specifically, though, like I said, I'm certain it DOES, but people do the stupidest shit over her.
dominonermandi: like trying to eat toasters.
maruchina: *wonders if parents would notice it if I'd order a vibrator on their credit card*
dominonermandi: *falls off the chair*
dominonermandi: I'm certain that there are companies which will bill it as something innocuous.
maruchina: Man, how weird. ... eat toasters?!
maruchina: ... HAHAHA! Oh God. I can just see it. "Martine? What's this amount on the bill, and erm... what does it have to do with that white innocent looking box you received last week?"
dominonermandi: *falls off the chair*
dominonermandi: "Nothing, mom! just some incredibly rare Bavarian pastries that I ordered for Jessica for her birthday. I sent them all to her though. A shame there aren't any left. *blinks* Why do you ask?"
maruchina: ... ... HAHAHAHAHA
maruchina: BAVARIAN PASTRIES?!
maruchina: "She really enjoys them, you see. :D"
dominonermandi: *giggles*
dominonermandi: DUDE!
dominonermandi: Okay, so now, Masturbation=killing small furry creatures
dominonermandi: And Vibrators = BAVARIAN PASTRIES!!!!
dominonermandi: WE WILL KILL ALL THE KITTENS ON EARTH WITH OUR BAVARIAN PASTRIES!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
maruchina: *SNORTCACKLE*
maruchina: *wonders if there are any bavarian pastry shaped dildos*
dominonermandi: .......................
dominonermandi: *DIES*
dominonermandi: There probably are.
dominonermandi: *wants a kitten vibrator*
maruchina: WAAAHAHAHA!
maruchina: There is a Hello Kitty vibrator
dominonermandi: NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!
dominonermandi: But I want one with actual long fur! It would tickle!
dominonermandi: ......I so did NOT press enter.
maruchina: ... BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA
maruchina: I can put this on cackle, right?
dominonermandi: ....*facepalms* I so DID.
dominonermandi: OH MY GOD.
maruchina: *cacklefit*
dominonermandi: *cires*
dominonermandi: U R SEW CROOL!!!!

3:05am: I'm on a seafood diet.
( Interesting short clip convo about the Scent of a Woman. [Graphic, plus a poll!] )

Happy Birthday, cackle.

...

1:22pm: From cackle Family: Jess Eats Bison Wings.
This is a convo sent to me by dominonermandi.

dominonermandi: (BTW, sorry for lagging. I am attempting to eat buffalo wings and type at the same time. Not very effective, I'm afraid.)
Martine: ( ... buffalo wings?? )
dominonermandi: (Yeah! You know, bison? Large hoofed creatures that graze on grass? We eat their wings in hot sauce!)
dominonermandi: (They're quite yummy...)
Martine: (... o_O!!!!)
dominonermandi: (You've never heard of them? Their practically an American staple! Like hot dogs or apple pie, oddly enough...)
Martine: (No! LOL. So what is it?)
dominonermandi: (I told you! Wings of a bison/buffalo in hot sauce!)
dominonermandi: (You've SERIOUSLY never heard of them?)
Martine: (No! LOLOL.)
Martine: (Bisons don't even HAVE wings!)
dominonermandi: (.......*grins* Smile, You're on CACKLE!)
dominonermandi: (*snerk* Buffalo wings are chicken wings in hot (buffalo) sauce. Hence the name)
dominonermandi: (I was wondering how far I could get before you called me on it. :-P)
Martine: (... Oh no. LOLOL)
Martine: (HAHAHAHA you suuuuck.)
dominonermandi: (Yes. Yes I do. :-P)
Martine: (*facepalms* I'm so foreign.)
dominonermandi: (No, not really. Jessica Simpson could probably make the same mistake. In fact, I'm almost certain she already has.)

*cackle*

...

11:59am: Proof that Martine is a highly dangerous Dutch terrorist.
JaCk: YOU SENT SOMETHING TO DESTROY THE U.S. CROPS AND ARGICULTURE!
Martine: I should've kept the excel spreadsheet with all the stuff in it
Martine: HAHAHAA
Martine: OMG
Martine: does that mean I won't be able to visit the US, EVER?
JaCk: Oh man, they took my burgers? ;___;
Martine: "YOU HAVE SENT US MEAT!"
JaCk: LOL
Martine: I don't know... those weren't even pork
Martine: those were... what's the word... cow meat
JaCk: Yes, this means that they'll hunt you down at the point of entry and confiscate your belongings/jail you/make you a political prisoner.
Martine: I think I didn't send you the cock burgers because they didn't fit
Martine: *cackle*
JaCk: And then I'll have to break you out a la ALIAS.
Martine: LOL

( The U.S. Government is After Martine: Documented Proof of the Conspiracy to Keep Her Sausages Away From Me )

Man, they stole my pork! I bet they knew I was converting to Judaism. I also bet that they ate the damned things themselves. >_>

...

9:28pm: Who the hell is mr Bean?
aurenfaie: Yesterday Julio was telling that someone was NOT cast for the role of "Mr Bean, and I, for the life of me, CANNOT remember who that is. GoF is my fave book, and I don't remember...
maruchina: Voldemort!
maruchina: it was on the front page here LOL
maruchina: they got it wrong, of course
aurenfaie: who the hell is mr bean!?
maruchina: ... ...
maruchina: ...
maruchina: ..
maruchina: .

Before I go any further, I'd like to insert a poll. Do you know who Mr Bean is?

Poll #233700
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 44

Where are you from?

So, do you know Mr Bean?

Any other comments?

( Click here to see the rest of the log. )

5:30am: What are Shrinky Dinks®?
More importantly, how in hell does one explain Shrinky Dinks® to a foreigner?

It is here that I'd like to introduce a longtime best bud and actually the very reason why I have a damned LiveJournal in the first place: Dean, a.k.a. lost_cowboy, is my fellow tard who hails from Sack of Mentos and is gunna be moving up here in about 10 or so days. Fat White Lump (affectionately stolen from King Kahn's nick for Bobby Hill on King of the Hill) has actually had many, many cackleworthy convos with me, I just haven't bothered to chuck 'em up here because I'm a lazy ass. Hey, yo, so, I guess since I kinda sorta mentioned him in this entry I can make him Friend of the Day.

Eh, I'll make him Friend of the Week, since we've been seriously laxing on that.

lost_cowboy! He hardly ever posts, but you know you want to friend him.

Anyway, on with the post.

( Dean's Dream, brought to you by the letter D and Shrinky Dinks® [Mild language warning, short.] )

( What are Shrinky Dinks®? [Martine/JaCk, mild language warning.] )

And she complains about Americans eating cooked hotodgs for dinner.

( BONUS! Sticking fiery oblong objects in a Dutch orifice can be hazardous to your sheets. [Martine/JaCk, sexual imagery, language warning.] )

*CACKLE*

P.S. If anyone has any extra Shrinky Dinks®, email me. >_> <_< *plots*

6:30pm: Substantial declaration of true love.
Hey. Anyone remember this entry? To refresh for people too lazy to click the link and then page back:

For the last time. People. Dutchie and I are just two really messed up people who lurve eachother like siblings (or test tube twins gone horribly wrong). We are not screwing. We will never screw, for that would be utterly disgusting/revolting/yaktastic and incestuous.

-- JaCk

Well, fuck. That was done back then to assure/re-assure the little slut I was with that I wasn't cheating on her/wasn't going to cheat on her. But now that she's been gone for a while, I can safely say that Dutchie and I have been screwing like rabbits on Viagra for a few months now. We lurve eachother more than siblings, we have for a while, I was lying like a fucking bitch when I wrote that, and it's not disgusting/revolting/yaktastic, OR incestuous when we do screw. It's actually kinda hot.

Who wants the logs? Anyone? Anyone? Yeeeeeah, I thought so.

[EDIT] P.S.: I love you, honey. *kissies*

[EDIT 2] P.P.S. Don't any of you take this to mean that the war between the United States and Dutchlandia is over. Nononononono...far from it. The U.S. is still superior, and Martine WILL eat hot dogs for dinner when she comes to visit me. And I will COOK them, too.

...

5:30am: Psst, halfnorn...

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Psst, <lj user="halfnorn">... <_< >_> ...

...

...

...Martine is so totally a Dutchlandian Royalty ph@ngrrl. She squeed like a bitch when your new princess was born.

*CACKLE*

...